To bed! To bed!

This week I upgraded my bed. The mattress of my 20-year-old double bed had finally had it’s day and it was time to get a new mattress. I’ve always managed fine in a double bed. It had never actually occurred to me to get a bigger bed. Sure, I had to sleep on an angle if I wanted to stretch out but I always had a double bed. My parents always had a double bed. My parents’ parents before them presumably had a double bed. Until I was thirty I never even dreamt of getting anything bigger.

Every relationship I’d had in my twenties involved girlfriends who liked to cuddle. And a double bed was conducive to encouraging two people to spoon. The only thing more encouraging would have been a single bed, but I’m not an animal. Single? Pff. I’m a heavy sleeper so another person would never wake me. And I never had any complaints.

When I was thirty two however I did enter a relationship with someone who turned out to be a light sleeper. This turned my world upside down at the time. No more spoon? There is no spoon. I apparently wasn’t allowed to breathe either because she was such a light sleeper, I don’t even think she technically went to sleep. This however led to my revelation that when I do meet that person I marry and share a bed with next (this change of mindset will be covered in a future blog), I will need to get a bigger bed.

So the plan was to stick with my meek and mild double bed for however long that would be. But this mattress had had its day. Twenty years. And that’s how long I had it. This was an inherited mattress. I found out recently that mattresses have a ten-year lifespan, like a dog. If you’ve had it for ten years, it’s time to put it out to farm. Wait, that’s not right. The point is, it was time for a new mattress.

Mattress shopping is not fun. Testing it out is an ordeal. They say you can lay on it for a while, but you just feel like they are watching you sleep. I like my mattress because it’s my “single man’s” mattress. I had it planned in my head. I am used to a double on my own. Once I marry I can get a bigger bed and not feel a put out while putting out. I mean, as inconvenienced for my space. And the choices. Do I want to stick with an innerspring mattress, or move to a latex mattress, and don’t get me started on memory-foam. That feels like sleeping in quicksand

It turns out I find a mattress too big a commitment. I caved and a queen mattress. And it didn’t end my ordeal. There was shopping for sheets. I used 1000tc (I know, live lavishly) but the lady in the bedding store threw all these other things to know. Did I want cotton, linen, cotton/linen blend. Did I want bamboo in my sheets! Bamboo! I’m not sure I could deal with the panda nightmares.

And doonas (same as a quilt, it’s just what we called it on my family)!? Do I want a summer quilt? A winter quilt? An all seasons quilt? A summer/winter quilt? (And why isn’t an all season and summer/winter quilt the exact same thing!?) So now with new sheets, new doona, and bed I’m all set. I’m sure single Phil will get used to a queen bed and have to go through this whole ordeal to get a king when I get married.

Except I have discovered that my pillows sit a little small on the queen bed. Oh, well, I’ll stick with them until I get married…

#comedy #editorial #bed #mattress #bedding #foam #sleep #queen #double #twin

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All photos by 3 Fates Media